A Post All His Own (As Promised)

Meet Gus:

Gus joined our family on Christmas Day (thank you, Santa), and he’s been a whole lot of rootin’-tootin’ fun ever since.

Gus, or “Gassy Gus” as he prefers to be known, is a card-carrying member of IFOCE. There is little in this world he enjoys more than parking in his recliner and eating a wide array of artery-clogging, indigestible foods and afflicting his housemates with resounding blasts of flatulence.


Gus’s food choices are assigned numbers ranging from one through seven. The higher the number, the more likely you’ll need a heavy dose of Gas-X or pink bismuth. (Remember that old commercial? Indi...gestion...)

According to this array of food choices, the chili with beans is most likely to send your bowels into an uproar, and the perennial picnic favorite, watermelon, is virtually flatulence free. Hmph. I’d like to know who scored these cards, and how they reached their decisions.

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A Lesson in Digestion:

If you wanted to know your digestive functions ah… functioned, check this out. Not only is your stomach a giant red balloon, it is connected directly to -- wait a minute. Just what exactly is Gus’s stomach connected to? Surely, this is not -- never mind. Let’s move on.

Rules of Play:

Someone deals five cards to 2-4 players. Each player also gets two “Belly Buster” cards, which looks like a bottle of soda. (I don't get the soda logic here. Soda makes you burp. I guess we can't have little kids giving Gus beer to wash it all down.) Each player takes turns laying food cards on Gus’s tray and opening and closing Gus’s mouth for the number of “chomps” written on the card. A “chomp” means opening Gus’s mouth as wide as it will go…

(Ignore the card behind his head. Check out that uvula instead!!)

...and closing his mouth until it clicks. Play goes around the table with folks feeding Gus and chomping his jaws while his belly expands. When you suspect that Gus’s digestion is about to revolt, you play the lower-numbered cards and pray that his gasses pass to the next player. At any time, your opponents can slap you with the “belly buster” card, which forces you to chomp Gus’s jaws three more times for each Belly Buster thrown at you.

I think even Gus is looking a little worried here.

If Gus decides to “let go” during your turn, you must draw two cards from the pile.

Thankfully, with only two Belly Buster cards per person, this game does eventually end, unlike Hi Ho Cherry-O, which I just about loathe because it goes on for-ev-er, and I am constantly stepping on and sucking up cherries in the vacuum. With Gus, my kids are still counting and they’re giggling their hineys off.

I guess he can stay awhile.

Ready for more nachos and broccoli, Gus?